So since the girl left my world is been in disarray again. I used to think that I was just a averagely happy most of the time. I am not. I am not really happy at all. I enjoy my life and the adventures that I have been able to pull off. These keep me in my average state of being. The people that cross my life make it worth living and enjoying. My family and friends are great. The keep be above the the happiness level that some people strive to be at. Once I am alone and living in my reality it changes. I am not that happy person. I am not the fun loving uncle that I should be. My niece and nephew do light up my life. They make me laugh and dream about the days of care free living. They make me realize that there is more to life than whatever I can imagine because they have gone past that level with their own minds. They believe in the good of everything. They want and need to know that the world is with them and will not get in their way. They don’t know what’s it’s like to struggle through the day. They will probably never know the feeling of wanting something with out it being handed to them. Which is great but, it’s a sidetrack of where my world actually is these days.
The girl I thought was possibly the one had left. She never turned on international calling. She hasn’t tried to contact me. She really didn’t even respond to my texts before she left. It’s unfortunate that I didn’t get a chance to clear up our status before she left. She always kept it casual and kept her distance. I look back now and realize she knew it was coming but, she didn’t exactly know when. She might come back for Christmas or maybe she won’t. Not sure but, I know she hasn’t reached out to me since she left. If I don’t her from her by Christmas then I am not sure this will ever work out. The world is a crazy place and timing is everything. I might hit the first point in the timeline but, it seems like the next point on the line is away and deflected from the point I think it should of made.
That is all. My world and my heart is in a world of uproar. It causes my mind to drift and wonder through the darkest folds and stories that I have heard. The work mind mind to the the fullest without taking me over the edge. The words and books that are trapped in my mind are the craziest of them all but, when I can hold my mind and keep it in check the best things come flying out of my mouth.