Minds all twisted up

Not sure why my mind has been traveling here again.  Probably some latent genetic code that keeps telling me to find that one again.  I keep going back to the what if and what might of beens lately.  I keep trying to go forward but, then keep coming back to here.  It’s starting to take it’s toll on me again.  Min mind i getting all twisted up inside again.  I want to find that person that makes me feel happy and content with living my life.  I generally do like the way my life has turned out so far but, I keep thinking that there is more that i am supposed to be doing or going to do.  I want to travel I want to see the world but, I want that person to want to do those things also.  Every woman I meet seems to not like me the way I like them.  Every woman that seems to like me for no reason at all I don’t seem to be attracted to for one reason or another.  I have a problem with not liking girls I am not immediately physically attracted to.  There seems to be something in the back of my mind that tells me you can do better than that.  But, nothing seems to be doming along.  How do you reevaluate that part of your mind that directs you on to a different path before you have a chance to actually get to know the person.  Could I be afraid to fall for a woman that I am not attracted to at first and learn to love someone again.  I have felt that feeling of just knowing she was right before.  I haven’t felt it in a long time though… Does my mine and body still know what it is?  Can I figure it out before it’s to late to do anything about it?  That old doubt just keeps popping up in my mind.  I used to use drugs to bury deep inside and not worry about it but,  I have been pretty much sober for the better part of this year.  I wish I knew what to do. How to do it and just simplify this portion of my life like I have the rest of it to the best of my abilities.  What is really holding me back?  What fear do I have that I can’t seem to overcome.  I need to figure this out and conquer my world.  I think I need that other person to really make life what it I want it to be.  Well thanks for reading.  I feel like I might be back to writing now until I can work things out on the screen again.  Same issues same inability to find a solution.  Maybe it’s time to find some to talk to.

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About batmaninhiding

I am just a regular person with random things to chat about.
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