Yea, I am back.  So as I lay my head down and try to take a nap my mind decides that it should solve all of life’s problems.  Todays thought is all about my infatuation with things.  Like I bought a toy helicopter a couple weeks ago.  I love that thing but it gets boring flying it around the room.  No its not some 300 dollar thing of awesomeness but it is boring flying around in circles.  It needs to be better but whatever i think of i know its already been done and if i did it it would only be cool for like 5 days and i would be like that wasn’t worth it.  This same thing occurs when I meet women.  I like them I like to learn everything I can about the, and have this random thought that I like this person.  I don’t though what I actually liked was the act of conversation.  I like talking to people and getting to know them.  People really like talking to me and telling me their life story.  I have been told I am a great listener generally i am thinking about something completely different.  Back to my infatuation, the girl mentioned in the previous posts is one of them.  So, the other day i was out to lunch with my friend Jon and told him this story of her and I.  He was like that was never going to work. You sound like you were willing to ignore so many aspects of her that you knew you could not.  I thought about and he was totally right.  He also asked if she was hot and i nodded while I was chewing.  She is damn hot.  I would never make those kind of concessions for a girl I thought was ugly or fat.  I probably wouldn’t go on a date with them in the first place.  The girl and I have absolutely nothing in common besides maybe drinking.  She is not athletic, she doesn’t snowboard or ski, she doesn’t like traveling to foreign countries.  The list goes on I am sure but, that is what i can think of.  I need to have someone be that other part of the conversation in my head.  I need those to keep my mind from wandering through the abyss of my deep thoughts. I need constant conscience thought so it doesn’t slip in the bowels of my mind and stir up the silt of my deranged thoughts.  Tangents are everywhere.  Time to stop this nonsense and go run a little and make some dinner.


About batmaninhiding

I am just a regular person with random things to chat about.
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One Response to Infatuation

  1. you know, something i never thought about you, and it makes very little sense to me now even saying it but i identified with some of your statements.

    read about co dependence and enmeshment.

    this is typically used to describe unhealthy relationships and the inability to maintain separation.
    its relevance to you is that you and I have kind of fucked up boundaries. Yours are more like intellectual ones. As in, intellectually who gives a shit if you say “id fuck that chick in the ass” in a group of people you don’t really know yet. the boundary issues I have are like from my mom fucking random dudes all the time when I was a kid. I simply dont understand normal healthy boundaries. Although now that I have learned about them. I dont care still. Now im the intellectual boundary violator like you.

    The impact this has is that people now over share and strangers will tell you their life story and it kind of rapidly accelerates a relationship. Which creates all sorts of excitement for sure… but its not how a functional relationship is supposed to develop. A lot of shit has changed though since old school dating met the universe online. We are constantly available to each other. We know when each other shit, eat, and jerk off and such. So there is no mystery. It makes it hard to NOT become infatuated. Or to allow this fun little exciting bright spot in your day over shadow everything else. At which point its like a kid with a new helicopter. Shits cool man, but now you’ve flown the thing up and down and left and right and its boring.

    co dependence no more is a good book. I dunno how or if that would help you but to me it feels like at this point in your life you are looking for something or someone else to make you feel fulfilled. In reality… you are awesome enough to be self sustained. You want those things… you dont need them.

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