The UnQuiet Mind

How do you quiet the mind?  People talk of this peace of mind.  I don’t know how you get there but, damn it would be nice to know.  My mind just won’t shut up lately.  I have to quiet it with drugs which is really only temporary until they wear off.  It’s damn annoying.  Lately all my mind wants to do is play the what if, why, what did I do game in my head.  Damn me for letting that girl get in to my head.  She is cute and I let my guard down.  It’s part of me changing me but, damn.  These walls were up to protect and keep me from having this problem.  I guess this is what I get for keeping them up so long.  No I am going to do my best to keep them down still.  I can’t change if I don’t take on some kind of pain.  Only feeling anger and apathy wasn’t working for me any more.  I want to feel the ups and downs of life again.  I sure shit hate the downs but, if I can get to the ups then it will be worth it.  God I need to find something to distract my mind.  I guess it’s time to hit the treadmill again.  No my mind is not quiet there either but, at least it’s healthy unlike laying in bed thinking about shit that I cannot change. How do you let go of something you never really had but, you mind was racing to the finish line.  Imaginations can make life more miserable then they should be.  To dream big and crash without really taking more than a single step in that direction seems utterly ridiculous to me but, my mind is a crazy place to sit and relax.  I guess I need to figure this all out but, just typing these lines is more helpful than most other alternatives that I can come up with right now.   I want someone in my life to be there to lean on.  Supporting myself is not very easy.  I have only one person that will really take my rants in stride and not judge me about them but, I need to find someone else to that gets that side of me and doesn’t run the other way.  Well, I guess that’s about it.  Time to get up and start this day and start figuring out what I want out of life that I can do on my own.

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About batmaninhiding

I am just a regular person with random things to chat about.
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One Response to The UnQuiet Mind

  1. I love how you are willing to accept the downs in pursuit of the ups. I agree that this is (albeit a painful exercise) a much more fulfilling approach to life. Keep your head up brother!

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